"My husband is not at all adventurous!"

13 Apr 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | 52 people are reading

In our popular section Opgebiecht you can share your secret anonymously. This week a woman who regrets her move to Friesland. She had moved for her adventurous husband. But now - 6 years later - he turns out to be anything but adventurous.

© Hollandse Hoogte / Cultura Images RF

About seven years ago I (44) got to know my current husband (49) at a wine tasting. I was immediately interested in him because he seemed very enterprising to me. Exactly what I always missed in my previous relationships. It has all gone very quickly between us since then. Once I moved to Friesland, ironically, the whole adventure is missing for me.

We had a distance relationship since I lived in Den Bosch and he in Friesland. So one of us had to move. And that was me. I was so in love that I took the move for granted. After all, now I could live with a man who really suited me. I had to look for a new job, which was not too easy. I had a good job in Den Bosch as a primary school teacher. But of course I was no longer the youngest and I noticed that when applying. It eventually cost a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but it worked. I found a job. However, the many job applications has affected my self-confidence. Moreover, I find this "new school" not nearly as pleasant as my old school.

Nevertheless, I thought the new job was not the worst change. Missing my dear friends and family was the hardest part of me. I could no longer "just" drink a cup of coffee from my parents or "just" into town with my dear friends to have a glass of wine. Of course they occasionally come by, but that is exactly what I find stupid: they really come to visit. Living here in Friesland just doesn't feel like home to me.

My husband finds it hard to understand. He thinks I still have to "acclimatize" and that my negative thoughts are just a phase. Nevertheless, I have been living in Friesland for about 6 years now, so I think I have given myself enough time to get used to it. Moreover, the countryside is just not for me either. I love socializing and people around me. He does not understand that and sees living in the countryside as a relief. I know that my husband would never want to and could move to Den Bosch for me because of his work. So that is not an option either.

In addition to the fact that I do not feel "at home" in Friesland, my husband also prevents me from doing so. He doesn't like it when I want to go out on Saturday night to get to know new people. He just doesn't understand that I just can't do enough with him. But I know that I will never feel at home here unless I expand my social circle here. He talks nonchalantly about it and that really annoys me. Especially because he did not have to make any sacrifices himself. In the meantime I am thinking about maybe divorcing him because he doesn't understand me.

It feels crazy; I fell for him because of his adventurousness, but our relationship feels anything but adventurous to me. This puts me in a dilemma. Do I have to divorce my husband to be happy again? Or should I just accept that he does not understand me and settle for my "simple" life now?

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