The issue of upbringing: it does not suit my son
13 Apr 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
Minke's fifteen-year-old son is madly in love with his girlfriend. The couple has a bad relationship. Minke is a little less happy with it because she finds the girl no match for her son at all. Can she say anything about that?
Since three months it has been a blast between the two teenagers. In their free time they can be found together as much as possible. Minke thinks it is hers: "Liam is really in love for the first time. But unfortunately his girlfriend does not suit him at all in terms of interests and character. He is very active and much outside, she prefers to look inside a film. He is very quiet , she is quite present and noisy My son has asked me a few times what I think of her, then I turn around it, which I find difficult because Liam and I are always very open to each other. suitable as his girlfriend. Can I honestly say that? "" Your opinion can actually be counterproductive "
The advice of children's coach Janina Dubbeld of Children's coach De Vuurtoren is short but powerful: let it go. "This boy is 15. Let's take a rational approach and say that the chance that he will be 100 with this girl is quite small. This idea may be a little relative. Pubbers are still forming and have very different criteria. why do they fall for someone other than adults? This boy is fully discovering: does he want someone who fits him perfectly or a partner who complements him? "
It can also be counterproductive if Minke fair her the child coach thinks: "Teenagers are more dependent on the opinion of their friends than that of their parents. Often they are opposed to that, so you achieve the opposite goal.""Accept that you are here if mother has little to say about it "
According to children's coach Dubbeld, the key question is: what is the objective of honestly saying that you do not like your child's relationship? "Ask yourself what you want to achieve with it. If in doubt, use the 'THINK before you speak': T is it True? H is it Helpful? I is it Inpsiring? N is it Necessary? K is it Kind? - is it true, helpful, inspiring, necessary or kind?
So no, I wouldn't say it honestly. It doesn't help you, your son doesn't and moreover it probably doesn't change the situation in a positive way. and trust, would be my advice. Accept that as a mother you have little to say about this and that as a parent you have to let go of your child. "
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