The parenting issue: 'My daughter (5) doesn't fall asleep herself'
15 May 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
Earlier, journalist Anne Broekman wrote about her five-year-old daughter who crawled into her bed every night. Now the following problem arises: her daughter necessarily wants someone to stay with her until she sleeps. How do they break through this?
Let me start with the good news: our daughter is now sleeping in her own bed. Three yard how! The bad news: Before she falls asleep, she comes out of bed a hundred times with excuses. To tackle that, I once lay folded next to her in her bed to keep watch until she slept.
Every night in my daughter's bed
That worked wonderfully, only a little too good. She now wants us to always lie with her until she sleeps. The bottom line is that either my husband or I now lie in bed with her every night. Sometimes it is a small effort and she is grunting within five minutes, sometimes it is a never-ending story and she only sleeps an hour later while I am hiding. How do we break this pattern?
One thing that strikes Janina Dubbeld of Kindercoach De Vuurtoren, is my statement: "She wants us to lie with her until she sleeps." Dubbeld: "Your daughter is not the one who determines these things, she is not the boss. You determine, you are the boss. In our society and in our generation of parents we would like to have a cozy and loving bond with our child. Preferably we want to create a kind of equivalence, let that be what a child absolutely does not want.
A child wants frameworks, your daughter wants to know where she stands and wants to know that she can lean on certainties. It is the task of children to develop and to discover how far they can go and to challenge us. The art is to stay upright and to consistently fulfill your parenting role. You are in charge of your child. You take care of your child. You know what is best for your child. And your own limits are very important in this. So be clear in what you expect from your child. " p > 'A sleep ritual is always nice. Massage, read a book, listen to mediation together '
It is not the intention that I sometimes spend half an evening putting my daughter to bed and therefore have little time for myself, coach Dubbeld agrees: " My suggestion would be: Write down for yourself why you think it is important that your daughter is on bed alone and on time. Look at your motivations and know you're right. Feel firm in your choice and stand up for it. Then tell your daughter the difference between day and night, why we all sleep.
A sleep ritual is always nice, so massage, read something, listen to a meditation together. This ritual shouldn't last more than ten minutes You leave the room and keep your foot down As soon as she feels that it is serious that you are not yielding, she will accept this and go to sleep. And you will finally have your evenings again back. "