The parenting issue: my daughter (5) plays doctor with her boyfriend

12 May 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | 52 people are reading

The parenting issue: my daughter (5) plays doctor with her boyfriend

© Getty Images archive photo

Sarah is shocked that her five-year-old daughter takes off her pants every time she plays with a certain boyfriend. How does she do this?

Very often her daughter doesn't see the boyfriend, but when they are together they have a lot of fun. "Timo is the son of a friend of mine and I am happy that it clicks well with my daughter Sientje. They are the same age and can play for hours together. Only it always happens that Sientje and Timo then at an unguarded moment, for example when they play in her room, take off their pants, then suddenly I catch them in their bare buttocks, they show their genitals to each other, and Sissy said that they had also felt together recently. I reacted quietly, but was shocked. Sissy herself laughed a lot. I understand that she wants to discover things, but is this really normal? "

Sarah's first startle response makes a lot of sense, says Annelies Bobeldijk of WOW! Education coaching: "You are shocked because it does not fit in our adult image, after all, we do not just pull our pants down. Good that people have reacted quietly. If you turn it into a drama in such a situation, you put your load on it For adults this has a sexual load, but children see this very differently. They really see their genitals as 'pee' and have no embarrassment yet. And that is not necessary at all. "

Children at that age mainly because of the discovery, the parenting coach says: "They see: 'hey, you look different from me, that's funny!' You can curb this curiosity by talking to your child about this or by reading a book together that is suitable for preschool children, with nice drawings of the body. Schooltv also has good videos about this. "

Although coach Bobeldijk emphasizes that these are completely normal issues, as a parent you can really intervene carefully, she says: "You can teach your children that there are parts that they can keep for themselves. That it is not the intention to take the pants off do it with others. If this happens again, say, "Oh yes, he does look different from you. Now put your pants up again." Explain that they can play doctor, but with their clothes on. As a parent, do not be too spastic about it anyway. Then children will do it secretly and you will have no view of it at all. "

Don't want to miss an episode of this section? Then click on the Parenting Issue tag below and then click 'Follow' at the top left.