The parenting issue: "Our adolescent is ruining the atmosphere at home"

13 Apr 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | 52 people are reading

The parenting issue:

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In the eyes of her fourteen-year-old son, Annette really can't do anything right, she feels. She often finds him in a bad mood. This is not conducive to the atmosphere in the house. How does she deal with this?

Sometimes she feels unwanted in her own house, Annette says. "My fourteen-year-old son Cas starts to sigh and support as soon as I look at him, let alone when I ask him to do something in the house. He is so grumpy that it spoils the whole atmosphere in the house. Sometimes I really walk on my toes I understand that Cas is an adolescent and that this is not an easy age, I try to take that into account. But how do we keep things a little cozy at home? " Dave Niks from The Family Psychologist can reassure Annette - and all other adolescent parents - immediately: this behavior is completely healthy. "During puberty, young people break free from their parents, they become independent. Relating to their parents is part of this and is completely normal," says the psychologist.

'Give your adolescent space things in his own way and in his own way moment to do '

An adolescent with a bad sentence is therefore not exceptional, but not always pleasant. According to psychologist Niks, it is important to make it clear that you all live in one house and form a family together, and that your adolescent is part of it. That means that agreements must be made. Dave Niks: "Clearly state your expectations. Give your child the space to do his tasks in his way and in his moment. Should he put the click outside? Tell him that Tuesday night is ten o'clock, because the next morning will be the garbage collected. This gives you adolescent responsibility. At this age children learn the connection between cause and effect. If a grumpy response to such a request is made, do not accept that it is all difficult and difficult, that is. only negative energy. "

" Everything you pay attention to, grows. So leave your child just grumpy '

Regarding the unpleasant atmosphere in the house, psychologist Dave Niks can be brief about that: you cannot force a good atmosphere, but you can create it. "The cliché is true: everything you pay attention to, grows. Ignore moody behavior and don't care for it personally. What can do miracles is simply asking what your child needs, tips nothing: "Nine out of ten times you get a very concrete answer. Take what is said seriously, because many adolescents do not feel taken seriously at all. Remember that adolescent behavior really has a function in the road to adulthood. "