The parenting issue: son (8) has trouble with new baby
17 Jun 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
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Ilona's ex-husband will soon become a father again. She notices that her eight-year-old son has a lot of trouble with that. How can she help him?
Four years ago Ilona and her husband separated. Fortunately that went in good harmony: "And when he got a new relationship, I also got along well with his girlfriend. She is a sweet stepmother to Mats. And: she is now pregnant. My ex-husband will soon become a father again I notice that Mats is having a hard time with that. When I talk about the pregnancy and baby, he reacts angry and not at all enthusiastic. I asked him if he is afraid that he will get less attention when the baby is born, but he denied that. How can I help him? "
That a child has to get used to it when a new brother or sister is born is certainly not exceptional, says Annelies Bobeldijk of WOW! Parenting Coaching: "Parents need to realize that this really has a huge impact on their child. You can compare it to your husband coming home one day and saying, 'Honey, I love you so much that I only take another woman with me' You are not keen on that. " Children of divorced parents are especially sensitive to this, according to the coach: "They sometimes feel that they do not fully belong to the 'new' family because they are not always there, they live in two houses. But the new baby is always with his or her father and mother, so that is part of it. That can feel like a rejection. A child can start thinking: am I still needed? "" Don't pause with a "is nice, a baby you can give a bottle! " Then you don't take your child seriously '
Talking and listening carefully to your child, that is the advice of coach Bobeldijk: "I would not ask my child if he finds the situation difficult, but just put it as an observation: "Isn't it strange that Daddy is having a baby again?" After all, a child can feel guilty about this feeling, and an observation makes it easy to admit it. Don't finish it off with a 'dude, isn't it nice, a baby you can give a bottle!' Or, "well, it will be all right." Then you don't take your child seriously, although that is not your intention. Confirm that it will all take some getting used to. And sometimes eight-year-olds don't feel like talking. Then you say : "Tricky huh? Come here and give me a hug."
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