To what extent can I send in my offspring's friendships?

12 May 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | 52 people are reading

To what extent can I send in my offspring's friendships?

Bickering, friends who don't want to listen ... You know it. Sometimes you would prefer to exchange a friend of your offspring for a "perfect" copy. But to what extent can you steer in your child's friendships? Child psychologist and educator Tischa Neve (50) answers this question today.

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“There are several reasons people prefer not to have their child hang out with a particular boyfriend. Often they disagree with the upbringing he receives and fear that their child will be negatively affected by his behavior. They may also feel that the children are not a good match. Perhaps one is dominant and the other is not and / or there is always arguing. There are many more things to mention. ”

Learning process

,, You have to ask yourself very well where the problem lies. Is it your own irritation? Or is the boyfriend really not good for your child? Dealing with various types of children is a nice learning process for your children. This way they learn to deal with various types, children and backgrounds. You can't figure out life for your child: in high school they will come into contact with all kinds of people and then you have no influence on it. ”

“ Of course it's nice if you do it right find with your offspring's friends, but it is not necessary. When they are a little younger, you can control who they interact with, for example by investing in the parents concerned and asking your child if they would like it if Pietje came to stay. It just shouldn't be that you just want to invite kids because you like them so much. Look at your child and what makes him / her happy. Use the various friendships to start a conversation when they are older. Think of it as an opportunity to educate your child on social issues, such as making your own choices and standing up for yourself. ”


“ I think you should act now if the situation is really unsafe. This can be if a parent drinks too much or if parents agree that the children cycle alone on the street in the evening, while your child is not ready for it. In those situations you can and may take control. This way you can talk to the parents and / or invite the boyfriend home more often. ”

“ There may be situations that you really disagree with and that you tend to forbid your offspring with him to to go. But realize very well what you are doing: you are putting your child on the block. Your child must ignore him and tell him that he can no longer come from you. Of course there are good reasons, for example if a child walks on the street with knives, but then you also have to start the conversation. ”


“ You have to be on your own child trust and only intervene when you see that a certain friendship is really harmful. If your child becomes insecure or troubled, you have every reason to act. Have a conversation with your child and ask what's behind it and why it sticks to them. That is better than forbidding friendship. "