"We are that crazy couple who don't have sex."

17 Jun 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | 52 people are reading

In our SPIJT section readers tell about their experiences. This week: “I have never been fascinated by sex and I have found a lovely woman who feels the same way. We are happy, but we never put it on the big clock. Now that our secret in the family circle has leaked out, we are being viewed differently.

© Hollandse Hoogte / Natalia Toret

Sex has never been so interested in me. I know that I am an exception. As a man you are supposed to always think about sex, always want sex, always be on the prowl. A real guy thinks every seven seconds, or every few minutes - depends on what research you read - sex.

Well, not me. As a child and teenager, I never participated in sex jokes between the boys themselves. I couldn't laugh at angled jokes. It didn't fascinate.

In high school I had a sweetest girlfriend who was happy that I didn't try anything with her. I took her to parties to show her off. My curious classmates wanted to know how far we were going ... I was secretive, but I held her hand and kissed her when I brought her home, and it was.

During my student days, expect other things from me. In the nightlife I came across girls who were eager to go to my student room. Occasionally one of them did indeed sleep and I did my best. Give it a chance, you are only young once, I thought. But the sex was difficult. I did not enjoy it.

In the years that followed, I sometimes had a crush on a woman, but I didn't work on it. Once in the bedroom she would be disappointed that I would rather sleep.

Then I fell in love with Chantal. But yes, how do you say you don't feel like the physical part? "I just don't have such a high sex drive," I finally said. Chantal thought it would work out and was deeply disappointed. She broke the relationship.

I thought I'd always stay alone. That I was a freak. But on the internet a whole new world opened up for me. It turned out that there were communities full of people with no feelings of lust. It now also had a name: asexual. It was a relief that there were so many fellow sufferers.

Through an internet forum I got to know Puck. Our dates were very relaxed; we knew it would never end in bed, so there was no erotic tension. We got to know each other well and had a huge click. After a while we started living together. Indeed, as a brother and sister. But we didn't hang that on the big clock. We had the internet advice well in our ears: don't tell, you are not understood.

I knew that my brother always suspected there was "something" with me. During a joint weekend at a recreation park in one of those old houses, he suddenly said: “I don't hear any action in the bedroom. Are you all right? ”

After some insistence, I confessed that Puck and I have an unusual relationship. I should have been kidding, but I didn't want to lie. Not against my brother. But I regretted it.

My brother seemed understanding, but he wasn't supposed to discuss my lifestyle with his wife. Yet I suspect my sister-in-law could not keep her mouth shut. Our secret went around in the family.

Nobody says anything, but I notice that we are viewed differently. Puck and I are still having a good time, but on a family birthday I can almost hear people thinking: Oh yeah, that crazy couple who don't have sex.

In this section, readers talk about what they regret. Would you also like to say (anonymously) what you would have done differently? Mail your story, around 600 words, to vrij@telegraaf.nl.