We need to say less by saying 'sorry'
13 Apr 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
© Shutterstock The science behind the excuse
You probably never noticed, but we say 'sorry' all day long. Because of this the whole word has actually lost its meaning. The American psychologist, Harriet Lerner, had had enough and started investigating the word "sorry" for twenty years.
Just pay attention. "Sorry, I missed the bus a bit later," "sorry, I have to work late tonight," and "sorry for responding so late to your app, I was just as busy." According to Harriet, there are four Reasons why we apologize so often:
1. Low self-esteem
2. The need to exclude criticism before it is given
3. The need to please the others
4. Show that we have manners.
Harriet believes that we should reduce our 'sorry's' and only use it if it is really meant. She also advises to keep the sorry short. So don't fully explain why you're so sorry. Just saying "I'm sorry" is enough. When you say 'sorry' it is not about you so don't make it worse by rattling about how much you are ashamed, then you (unconsciously) get a guilt feeling about the other person.
What according to the psychologist is completely the culprit, the following is: "Sorry I'm late, but you were too late in the last few days." With the second part of your sentence, you destroy the entire apology.
Have you become interested in the philosophy of excusing? She has the book "Why won't you apologize?" written about.