What if your child wants to play with Jan en everybody?
13 Apr 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
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VROUW readeres Janneke (32) is not happy that her child (9) wants to play with Jan en everybody after school. She wonders if it is safe. She doesn't know some parents at all. How can she act best? Educator Marielle Beckers from Buro Bloei answers her question.
"I can imagine. I actually always go along to introduce myself to unknown parents. Not because I am anxious and want to check, but because I want to know where they play and who those friends and their parents are.
It's pretty strange that your dearest possession is somewhere and you don't know where that is and how it is there If they get bigger you can of course let it go a bit more.You don't have to stand directly on the sidewalk.Follow your feelings in this, but I am in favor of meeting the parent (s) and saving their number (s) ).
I have had a father smelling of alcohol, I have a radar for that because I recognize it from my childhood. I didn't want my child to play there at the time because that father is further influenced, he can no longer make the right decisions when something is really going on.
Then you have to be clear be geared towards parent and child. Then you have to say that you prefer that the children play with you, if necessary with an excuse that suits you better. In any case, that father didn't make me feel safe, and safety is the most important thing to me. Your child will play in the house there anyway.
And also: if everything is nice design, but there are no stair gates I would not let my child play there when it is still young. Children go up those stairs anyway and if there is no supervision anything can happen.
Also with older children it is good to keep in touch with the other parents. Are they really there? Or are they chilling or smoking in the park? That monitoring function, that line with other parents, is important.
If your child knows that you could make a call, they are less likely to make unwise decisions. I also think you should follow your gut feeling. What can your child handle?
One of my adolescent children went to a house in Friesland. I like to spend it. Then you see the other parents and you can create an app group. Certainly in puberty, control is better than completely 'letting go'. Great if they are going to stay, but also check with the other parent if they are already at home.
I heard from a parent that her child wanted to play with a friend where they had a big dog. The parents insisted that the dog was good and did nothing, but it didn't feel right to her.
Then you have to draw a line for yourself. Dare to say: "My child is not coming to play." Then you must take your responsibility as a parent. You can really just say 'no' if you don't want it. Then the child is just as angry. Too bad. You have your reason.
And maybe you just don't feel like it. That is also allowed. It does not always have to be sweet and if you think your child is away too much, a day at home without friends is sometimes nice. "