Yvonne was sexually abused: He said it was our secret
05 Mar 2021Updated: 4 hours ago | people are reading
Yvonne van Galen (42) was sexually abused for three years at a young age. She keeps to herself whoever did this to her. Today she shares her story and how she recovered.© Arjan van Nieuwkoop
,, It started gradually. We played games on his console and at one point he wanted me to predict if we would reach a certain level. If I was right, he thought we should celebrate that. That meant that I had to carry out or undergo an assignment. The assignments were all sexually tinted, such as touching nipples, touching each other, oral satisfaction, etc. I think it took place twice a month on average. I was in primary school when it started. He said it was our little secret. ""
,, The first assignment I received, I found exciting in itself: it was new to me, but afterwards it felt I'm actually very uncomfortable. I resisted myself several times by giving him a knee or biting, but then he pressed me against the wall or against the floor. I had to promise that I would take it easy again. To make up for it, I had to do an extra assignment. ""
,, I suppressed my emotions. If I was in pain or felt that I was crying, I bit my teeth and tried to undergo it. I thought that otherwise it would only become more long-winded and I wanted to get rid of it quickly. Of course I knew that it didn't feel right and was wrong, but I couldn't do anything with it at the time. I have blamed myself for a long time for not having acted differently by telling someone, for example. It took a long time before I could forgive myself for that. ""
,, When I went to high school, I fled in drugs. It started with soft drugs, but I soon became involved with hard drugs such as speed and cocaine. When I started to discover the nightlife, I combined drugs with alcohol and stuffed in XTC pills as if they were sweets. At a certain point I also started using it at home. I was angry with life and felt powerless. When I used drugs, I got into a different state of mind and didn't have to worry too much about my emotions. I became depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I always thought, "If I take enough chemical junk, I'll stay in it for once."
,, When I was 17, I was expelled from school because of my behavior . My parents wondered why I was so unmanageable. I suddenly had to give answers, so then I threw out that I was abused. I have therefore not experienced it as a relief. They were in shock because they hadn't noticed anything. They tried to talk to me and wanted help, but I didn't want that. I had already built such a wall around me. I just kept on doing what I was doing. ""
,, When I was 24, after a party under the influence of alcohol and drugs I got a stranger to me taken home. That evening I lost my car key and house keys. I then smashed into my kitchen window to enter. The next day I had no idea what had happened that evening. All the traces in the house made it clear. I started to do an HIV test in panic and had my locks changed. Fortunately the test was negative. The situation collapsed and then I realized it was time to get rid of drugs. ""
"I had therapy and there I started talking about everything under supervision. Once I was clean, I could see life more positively. The thing that helped me the most in the process is the reversal in myself: the realization that it couldn't go on like this, that something had to happen, that I couldn't and should not talk to it alone. My self-esteem was incredibly low and I had to work hard to get it back to normal. It has been a whole process that has taken years and I really had to look in the mirror for that. ""
,, I started my story last year write for my own processing process. In that writing process, a number of things also started to play, such as memories and blockages in the sexual area. When it was on paper, I felt relief for the first time in my life: after all, secrets are eaten up inside. I was the first to have my man read the manuscript. He responded positively. ""
,, Everything I have experienced has made me stronger. The experiences I have gained have led me to where I am now. Life is too short to get stuck in a negative past. The abuse no longer limits me. I am a strong woman and am in the middle of life. I am making my dreams come true. I have learned that I am the only one who can make me happy. "